It’s been awhile. It has been quite a while since I last use this medium to communicate. I think it has been far longer since I’d last sincerely communicate in all honesty. I do conversations but it has come to a point of speech pattern recognition responding with a ready list of carefully selected answers and questions to double confirm the true state of the subject’s consciousness. People has stop being people. In my eyes, they are just nodes in a network. A series of variable in these social experiment. I’ve loss interest. I’m still focused to the main quest. I am still finding the answers and testing my hypothesis of this society but I’ve grown tired of my vague inquisitive nature yet disappointingly flawed as an individual. I guess, regardless of how hard I’ve tried to remove myself from the equation, it is literally impossible for I’ve found myself in the center of the trials. I am still just only human.
I need you to survive? But do you need me?
Do the benefits out weights the negative in having me around? What can I offer when I have nothing?
I’ve done plenty. But it is not enough. I’ve seen things you don’t usually get to see. I’ve kissed and I’ve touched but companions come and go. Leaving traces of their sweet lingering memories in my battle worn heart. As easy as it is to fall in love, it is as easy to be forgotten. Stream of faces. Eyes that hides. Words that lies. I want more. Over exposure to high culture and social situations have left me wanting more of the brief intimacy.
She is always on my mind. “She” changes from time to time. But I want more.
A higher conversation. A better human connection and understanding between two. If not for anything else then just for comfort in knowing there is at least one soul out there who you can trust and find comfort in. SHE. Who is she?
In my mind, I’ve seen her all my life. Known her for as long as the first light sparkled in this vast darkness of existence. She has always been the last face, the last voice, the last scent, the last touch. She is my beautiful serenade. But she cannot be real. For She comes from the abyss of my imagination. I need a real woman.
I cannot put my expectation on mortal beings.
……..But I think I just found her. (12/April/2016)