The details of the stories you’re about to read are real.
Or at least as real as you want them to be.
We begin our story on the untold story of how the very first story was told by the very first story teller with a little cup of tea underneath the mango tree not because it’s related in any way to the story just because it is rather a nice thing to do drinking on a hot summer day. Not that it is summer time here where I writing this words because there is no such thing as four seasons in the tropical equators but still we can’t deny a cup of tea is always a good way to start a story.
We began the landscape of the scene that is about to be untold with a nude young lady trotting through the thick blanket of snow across the stage towards a man who lay unconscious beneath a dead tree who is also in the nude. Wait what? No nudity? Damn censorship.
The young lady crouched next to the unconscious man and began to wake him up as the snow melts into scenery of a multicoloured African plain and the tree began to bloom its green leaves roofing the sunlight from the suddenly appeared star in the almost cloudless sky. She was a beautiful young female with a perfectly shape structure of the very first fully evolved human body that is suddenly covered by a thin layer of animal skin. She stare down at the unconscious man who was also suddenly dressed in a layer of animal skin, his body was a perfect specimen of a male species though some would considered it as hairy as an ape but I say that is how a proper Man should be just because I am a hairy little fucker (I meant gentleman) as well. After a few trials of trying to wake him up by grunting and making incoherent noises, she starts to use a physical method of hitting his head with his hard wooden club that magically appeared in her hands. That woke him up unsurprisingly in a surprised manner.
I wish I could tell you some sort proper introduction to these two character and their history but like stated earlier this is the story about the very first story told, so there is a vague description of who and what really happen for History didn’t bring his quill to the classroom to write down the details on that day. So let’s just name the male as Ugh and the female as Emily. Why Emily? No apparent reason. They won’t be calling each other name anytime soon so doesn’t really make any different if we call her anything else.
Ugh and Emily sat beneath the tree. They were partners and could be considered as a married couple. They are primitive human beings and still unable to communicate in a constructed sounds of singular language of common understanding. So it is saved to say that Ugh and Emily is and will be the only happily married human being ever lived and mainly because they both can’t speak a single word of language yet. Sadly that is about to change.
Ugh took some branches of a bush that contains leave that almost resemble a hand of spear-like fingers and start a fire with it in order to cook the left over mammoth meat of his recent hunt. He inhales the smoke of the burning branch and felt a sudden tingling feeling in his stomach. His skin felt a little numbness as a sudden emotion deep inside his heart began to emit an affectionate sort of euphoria as he stare at his partner. He stares at her skin that is softer than the mammoth’s buttocks, her harsh lips of pure ecstasy and her eyes of vulnerability that hides beneath her unwashed dirty hair. He had the sudden urge to tell her how much she meant to him. He had the sudden urge to express his affection towards her.
He began to open his mouth. The walls of his throat vibrate in aesthetic motion as a great gas of trap air released a huge burping motion. ‘BURP…..!!’, said Ugh in perhaps one of the loudest burping echo ever recorded in history of mankind so far.
‘Ghastly,’ disgusted Emily the very first word ever spoken in the human language before she continued with. ‘Where is your manner, dear? Please don’t act like such an ape and be more civilize will you?’ She continued before saying more and more words which has nothing to do with the world or reality.
Ugh look at her and replied. ‘Uh?’
She then continues talking and complaining about everything. She started to tell stories of gossips to her husband about that other cave-woman who lived on the other side of the plains who apparently has better clothes that she does.
And so concludes the story of the very first word to be spoken by a human being in the universe. From that day onwards the female of the human species could never keep their mouth shut. It will be another few more generation from Ugh before the male species began to mature and talk back to the woman before regret doing so. Unfortunately for the human species, the two opposite genders will never come to an understanding until the 79th Century of the Human Civilization, just before the destruction of their species. The conversation went something like this:
‘Okay fine, you were right. I was wrong. I’m sorry,’ said Tr1zel, the last female human alive as she was being torn apart, atoms by atoms due to the Quantum Microwave Disaster. ‘But it was your fault Bob for not buying me take-out.’
‘WOMAN! You destroyed the whole universe just because you forgot that you left a metal spoon in the microwave when heating up your mushroom soup!’ said Bob as the fabric of reality imploded from existence.
And that is how the very first and the very last word was spoken and how the very first and the very last story was told.